Due to the recent stock market crash and mass home foreclosures there has been a huge surge in the homeless plushie population. Plushies of all shapes, sizes, species, and parentage have been caught up in the economic downturn. Knitted aliens have seen their investments wiped out, fuzzy bears have watched as their mortgage rates rise way above their ability to pay, Multi-colored button-eyed cats have seen their 401k’s wiped out in a day!

What can you do to help? Well, Cranky Yellow is lobbying congress for a 21 kabajillion dollar bailout to save dozens of helplessly adorable cotton-filled creatures! Help us in this effort by coming down to our lobbying headquarters on 2122 Cherokee Street (Saint Louis, Missouri) and work the phone lines and lick stamps. We’ll be in operation every Tuesday through Sunday, noon to six.
Of course, you could also save tax-payer dollars by adopting some of these poor unfortunate cuddlies. The fewer needy patch-work owls the fewer kabajillions will need to be spent to bail them out!

Above is the Crammed Organisms book. All of you interested in solving this situation are encouraged to pick up a copy, only 35$ dollars. All proceeds go to Cranky Yellow’s home for impoverished plush. This, again, will help ease the immense social problem caused by the failure of several major banks. Within the book is information on all of the plushies you will be helping and have been helped by the program already. Hundreds of stuffed creatures documented and photographed to be cherished by any dedicated lover of plush. Of course, this will also relieve any guilt you may feel whenever you see a poor stuffed gnome begging for change on the street. He and others will certainly be helped by every purchase!

This adorable shirt is adorned with a beautiful sketch of a point-legged creature with a rather large tongue and human small intestines for brains. Coming in pink and yellow, this soft T-shirt is certainly a worthy addition to anyone’s closet. This shirt is perfect for gifts to relatives young and old; granny can certainly relate to the intestines, as she happens to have some (hopefully). Your little cousin would enjoy wearing this to her first day of elementary school, showing off her sense of style and appreciation for mutated beasts to all her friends and teachers!

Who wouldn’t be happy to unwrap a Jason Spencer T-Shirt on Jesus and Presents day this December? Just look at this happy recipient!

You can imagine that face on anyone lucky enough to obtain one of these thread-filled beauties!

*Cough Cough* *Ahem*

“Hello everyone. I am Lulu Voodoo’s masterpiece, the lazy bookshelf octopus. I wish to greet you all with a firm tentacle shake and a rousing game of checkers. Truly, I have yet to meet my match in the game. Lo, I haven’t met my match in any of my other interest either: backgammon, wine-tasting, French cuisine rating, snoring, and making rude comments to prominent authors at book signings. Yes, I would enjoy a contest of wits and skills in any of these arenas.

Of course, that would be made all the easier if my opponent were to take me from these provincial shelves and put me in perhaps a more advanced setting with heavier works of art and literature. A kind soul with 40 dollars and an advanced wit can take me home. I am fully capable of snuggling, of course, but I would prefer not to engage in such activities. They are, to quote the French, aucun préférable. Should you be interested in me I will be hunkering down with the “locals” Angelo and David, storekeeps and such. As much as I enjoy their company, such prolonged exposure can be quite dull. Rescue me from this mundane store of hoozits and whatnots, I implore you!”

Once again, David has brought into our store an unimaginable evil. This…thing…is perhaps more horrifying than anything else that has graced the walls and shelves of Cranky Yellow. It certainly beats out our current gallery show by Jason Spencer, none of the deformed babies and zombies come close to matching this plaster freak in scariness.

How on earth did this get made? Who thought: “Hmmmm…..you know what the world needs? An effeminate plaster sun with a look of amused contempt and the words “Keep Smiling” printed directly on its face!” Not only that; this creature has one, giant, mouth-length tooth. That’s it; one giant tooth to chomp your face in as it cackled “KEEP SMILING! HA HA HA HA!” *CHOMP CHOMP*

What’s worse is the thing was placed on the wall directly across from the desk. Allowing us to keep an eye on it, of course, but also allowing it to keep an eye on us….all day long. I’d suggest one of you buy it…but…well….I know that isn’t gonna happen.