I’m a sucker for the insane, the creepy, and the weird. This guy’s about 50% style and 50% voice. When I first heard the chorus I was rocked by chills; I’ve never heard anything quite like it before or since.
What I love about that video was how utterly certain the announcer was that we’d have air-conditioned high-ways with magic fog-blocking force fields. What I wanna know is: Why would we need the highway air-conditioned when we are already inside a climate controlled vehicle? Also, why does everyone live in Arizona? Apparently, in the future, mankind will live only in desolate wastelands so cartoonists don’t have to spend the time to paint trees and more than five gigantic (and simple) buildings.
Props to mah plus sized womenz! And by plus sized I mean “Normal”. Is anyone else tired of the cookie-cutter women who look like they were pressed out of a giant Barbie-doll mold?
You know what that means, only about six months until Halloween! Every year, at about this time, I figure out that I’m closer to Halloween than I am far. It’s such a lovely feeling, knowing that All Hallows Eve is slowly drifting in my direction. It always gets me thinking about what I want to be this year; or, should I say, what I want to be but will never actually dress up as for I never seem to have the money to spend on a costume.
There were years, however, where my costume was the grandest of all! Okay, one year, the others were slapped together with tape and an imagination in direct proportion to my lack of dignity and social consciousness. To wit, I went as a “I taped a bunch of stuffed animals to my head and pretended I was a goth Doctor Doolittle” in my Freshman year of College.
My best costume was dawned on my senior year of High School while working the evening shift at the Po-dunk Taco Bell down the road. I was the Angel of Fate, hooded, faceless, black winged and black robed. I dealt out Tarot cards to hapless customers; customers who came in for a burrito but left knowing the imminent doom that awaited them. I just want you guys to picture this:
You walk into your local Taco Bell on Halloween night, expecting a cashier wearing a dorky purple outfit and a permanent scowl you instead find a faceless black angel who quietly takes your order, draws a Tarot card, shows it to you, and explains in a short sentence what will happen to you tonight. Needless to say I was banned from wearing costumes to work ever again (as if I’d be working there for longer than three months).
This year, though, I think I will plan something special. Perhaps some of you can help me out; I would like to hear some ideas from the Crankies as to what costume an “adult” should wear for a children’s spooky candy holiday.
Let me show you a few things that have caught my eye:
Now I know what you’re gonna say: “The Crayola Clansman has been done to death”. I know, I know, but I just can’t withstand the appeal.
Zombie Karl Marx? Now why didn’t I think of that! It combines my two favorite things: Zombies and Communism! If I can find a way to make the Communist Manifesto out of Marshmallows it’d be a perfect representation of the only things I care about.
I’m seriously considering going as Klaus Nomi. If only I can find ten gallons of pure white foundation, ten pieces of black lipstick, and a triangular plastic suit with an over sized bow-tie.
It’s gonna be a tough decision this year, especially if you guys suggest some even better ideas! Oh well, I do have quite abit of time to think about it. Besides, if I have trouble deciding between a few costumes I can always force my friends to dress up as the ones I don’t pick.
Send me your ideas Crankies, you have your marching orders.
Awhile back we got international soccer starlett Sina Becker to talk about her life and her plans for the future. You all may recall when she helped win the world cup for the Icelandic Soccer (futbol) team in 1987; she subsequently became a legend and Wheaties cereal spokeswoman. I know, I know, you are all wondering what happened to her after that triple-car pileup last year. I did ask her, and you’ll be absolutely amazed what I found out! (Here’s a hint: it involves trading an impoverished 23 year old Philipino boy seventeen cups of rice for a body part that’s very important in the sports world).
I also asked her about her newly christened foundation: “The Sina Becker Center for Geometric Studies and Children.” For that she won the queen’s medal of caring; which only fifteen other people have been awarded (in the last five years). Is knighthood, or dutchesshood right around the corner? Find out in her interview!
Yeah yeah, I know, I know…it’s been awhile hasn’t it? Well get used to it, until this semester from hell is over my bloggins are going to be as frequent as helpful information appearing on cable news. You should all be thankful I post at all, it’s not like I’m getting paid for this rant-fest. No, I am doing this only as a public service to you, the Cranky, so you have more than endless blogs about how cool a piece of thread is from David. You should count yourselves lucky that David’s rearranging the store for the seventeenth time in a row, he’s been itching to blog about some sort of piece of trash he found by the river that sort of looks like Jimmy Carter (old Jimmy Carter).
Anyways, enough about people I know personally that get on my nerves; let’s discuss some things that have been jamming themselves into the very anger center of my brain.
Bio-fuels are not making that big of an impact on food prices, yet. I am sure some of you news-geeks have already heard about food riots occurring all over the world. The left and right wings have both been jumping on this startling “new” development and placing a portion of the blame on the recent trend towards bio-fuel production (ethanol from corn, soybeans, and other naturally grown products).
First off, I already stated before that using bio-fuels as our main source of fuel without significant reductions in car-use would cause food-prices to rise. However, to jump on bio-fuels as one of the causes (significant) of the current level of global hunger (as if we didn’t already have it) is a bout of uninformed hysteria. In no cases do the people pushing this “bio-fuels are helping to cause the current hunger crisis” B.S. present any sort of facts or data to back them up. They are going with the following logic:
Bio-fuels can force food-prices to rise because they use food stuffs for fuel, thus increasing the demand.
Bio-fuels are starting to be turned to as an alternative.
Therefor, people are starving because we are starting to produce bio-fuels.
Apparently, having no data to back you up (only vague inference) allows you to label the practice a “crime against humanity”. Of course, the real reasons, the substantial reasons behind the rise in food stocks probably have something to do with the dramatic rise in oil prices and the fact that our global population has been increasing at the rate of a billion every half century. Secondly, the west wastes and eats up a substantial amount of food; buffets are probably killing more people than bio-fuels at this point.
Oh, let’s not forget global climate change, which is turning vast areas of the world into deserts and wasteland.
Most of the articles do state that the reasons behind the rising food prices are due to the things I mentioned above, but mentioning bio-fuels alongside the major causes of the problem has allowed many propagandists to seize this news and run with it screaming down the streets (of the internet).
Here’s another interesting tid-bit: Most bio-diesal is produced from corn, which is mostly used in animal feed, not direct human consumption. So, not only is the trend towards biodiesal occurring in areas where the fuel is usually not used for human consumption or for main sources of food (corn, soybeans, sugar cane) but we aren’t using enough to make an impact even if we did use staples such as rice, wheat, or potatos.
Now, by the time bio-fuels have the potential to significantly influence food prices we’ll have the technology to take most of our bio-fuels from agricultural byproducts, not main sources of food. Of course, we’ll also have policies and people aiming towards demand reductions; but if not we will see food price rises on quite a large scale (unless subsidies and increased production manages to suppress such a predicament). It’s complicated, I know, and it’s irritating how people like to take extremely complicated issues, boil them down, and find something they can demonize and blame everything on instead of rationally addressing the problems.
The 2008 elections:
I was so hopeful this year, I thought the Democrats had this thing in the bag. Little did I know the dumbest people on earth had secretly taken control of the Democratic party and the media. Seriously, what on earth is with you guys? John McCain is polling ahead of both Obama and Hillary according to some organizations, how is that possibly possible? John McCain’s economic policy is “tax cuts”, his foreign policy is “blow them up”, and his healthcare policy is “I am too busy cutting taxes and blowing people up”.
Let me send a few messages to the groups and individuals that are making this disaster of a government continue in perpetuity:
To the supporters of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama:
Your candidates are not that different from one another, quit pretending that one is god and one is satan. If any of you dare vote for McCain because you’re candidate didn’t win you are whiny babies who apparently didn’t get the memo that in reality you don’t always win. That’s right everyone, about 30% of Hillary’s backers say they’ll vote for McCain if Obama wins the nomination and 20% of Obama’s supporters will do the same if the opposite is true. That means about 50% of partisan Democrats are complete idiots. That means 50% of partisan Democrats are such sore losers that they will vote for a pro-war, anti-poor, anti-everything they value candidate because the one they supported lost to someone a little different than them.
This is why I am hesitant to join the Democratic party, and will never speak of myself as a Democrat; Democrats are just as bloody dumb as Republicans, they’re just nicer sometimes.
To Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama:
There are two things I wanna see happen here:
A) One wins and makes the other their Vice President.
B) One wins and the other kisses their ass for like seven months. I want to see you two making out as if you’ve been in love for your entire lives. You and your supporters have bigger fish to fry. Like, you know, those people who want to take over the world and kill everyone that stands in their way? To the news media:
You’re fired, pack up your things and go. We all make mistakes, and we are glad you admitted how stupid you were during the Iraq War; but you had your chance to show some competency in this election and you blew it, big time. You decided to focus on some of the dumbest aspects of all the candidates and puffed up McCain as if he’s some sort decent human being. You asked ridiculously and biased questions towards the Democratic candidates and openly kissed up to the Republican. You presented information that was horribly out of context and made a terrible candidate look better, on purpose.
Do….do you believe in the flag? What on earth does that mean? Do I believe the flag exists? Do I believe it’s telling the truth when it says it couldn’t attend class because its grandmother died? How many people actually wear flag lapel pins? I mean, why the hell wasn’t SHE wearing a flag of some kind when questioning Obama? I am so confused….I am so horribly confused. Does ABC actually think anyone cares about whether Obama is wearing a flag pin? The only people I can think of are Republicans who want to use it to paint Obama as unpatriotic….and…and usually they don’t vote in Democratic primaries.
Well, I have plenty of more things to rant about but my fingers are tired and I need a cup of Strawberry Marshmallow milk to calm myself down. I encourage you all to do the same, then spread the word. At ease Crankies *slurp* at ease.
