Okay, so apparently this is Mod-Duck’s 80s mummy twin sister; Modeta-Duck. She decided to stop by and scare the ever-loving crap out of me by showing off her deformed child Shing-Shing. Shing-Shing was born with a birth defect that makes a fetus develop into a very large, scary, and off-colored fetus instead of a human baby, child, teen, and adult. I know I shouldn’t react in this way towards people with disabilities; but it’s hard to contain the sheer freaky-ness of Shing-Shing’s condition.

What you are seeing in this picture is Modeta-Duck and Shing-Shing’s somewhat famous trick. Modeta puts one of Shing’s tentacle-fetus-e-hands into her mouth; with that in place Shing can imitate other people’s voices and read some of what is in someone’s mind. Don’t ask me how this is possible; I left the house before they started their little traveling sideshow act. (I asked a few people how it went but most were too shaken from the experience to reply).

(In case you’re wondering, Modeta-Duck’s head was crafted by Jenny Harada, her clothes by Jacqui, and Shing-Shing came straight from the twisted mind of David Wolk himself).

We have this wall, surprising I know, where we post up little snippets of Cranky Yellow propaganda. Most of it came to us on packages sent in by various artists, but a few of them are strange little love (or hate) notes left around the shop by visitors who, obviously, have ulterior cranky motives. We love them all and they seem to be serving their purpose.

On multiple occasions I’ve noticed small children drawn to the wall, like little maggots to rotting flesh, with wide eyes that openly accept the “cranky” indoctrination… some call it brain-washing, I call it an easy way for kids to get free candy. Not that I would ever bribe simple-minded children to do my bidding… erm. No. Never. Ahem.

You can be indoctrinated too, just look below:

Should you ever find yourself thinking…

“I wish I could own a painted representation of a person in an eerily accurate Grimer costume, longingly pursuing a naked woman with disturbingly disproportionate breast, through the ocean… on a vintage book page.”

… then you should probably stop in at Cranky Yellow and check out the work we have stocked by the master of anonymity: Kettle! We’ve got a whole handful of naked, low-brow paintings and some nifty wood block puzzles in vintage cigar boxes that he created!

We might even get stuck with one (or two) of his “Ghost Holding a Pickle” plushies from the Crammed Organisms Show! Who knows.

So next time you’re thinking in run-on sentences, with an unhealthy amount of adjectives, just jump on over and browse the junk at our store. It will help you and you might even find what you’ve been looking for!

I am not actually supposed to be writing this; David is making plans to turn CrankyYell into its own Social/political commentary spin-off. While he procrastinates with such devious devices I am supposed to sit on the side-lines and not rant and rave about this or that. As you can guess; I am not able to do that.

To appease both my own insatiable urge to yell and your hunger for my musings I will leave you with an observation and a music video.

First off; I found out an interesting fact about our government and representation of women within it.

Women hold 17% of the seats in our Federal Congress; they make up 51% of the population.

In racist, Apartheid South Africa, which we blockaded and lombasted for its injustice and oppression; blacks made up 85 of the 308 congressional seats; or 28% of the seats (they were about 65% of the electorate population).

That’s right; women have less representation than in a racially segregated third world nation from the mid-80s.

Chew on that while you watch this music video:

(Sources: South African Parliament & Women legistlators)

Did you know we accept donations of cold hard cash? Well we do. It takes a lot of hard work to keep the shop open! Unlike most publishing firms and consignment shops we only take a SUPER tiny percentage of sales!

For example: We only take 20% of consignment/gallery sales. That’s less than HALF what most shops and galleries take. So, if we sell something for $45.00 we only ACTUALLY profit $9.00.

We do this to help the artist get as much as possible. We’re not in this business to make ourselves wealthy. We’re here to change the way the art world works and thinks. An artist shouldn’t have to struggle to make ends meet while some fat-cat gallery owner sucks up all of their profits. Yuck.

I’m an artist too, so I understand how crappy that feels. That’s why I won’t do it at Cranky Yellow. When you make a purchase from our shop, you can feel awesome knowing that you’re putting that money directly into the artist’s pocket, and that’s a good feeling to have.

The very small amount that we do take has to be used on rent, bills, promotion, salary, city business fees, and all those small things that seem to regularly pop up. It’s a lot to spend money on, which is why we have a donation jar. We’re always ridiculously grateful when someone drops some money in. We are NOT a non-profit, which means your donation is NOT tax deductible. Honestly, though, it’s pretty sick to think that the only reason to donate is to get some relief on your taxes. Geez.

All the money received in the donation jar goes towards those things mentioned above and to help us continue to develop and host political, social and art projects. Sometimes we’ll use the coins to buy a piece of salt-water taffy that helps keep us unusually happy!

So next time, before you leave the shop, think about that pocket change that has been collecting gum residue in your purse/pocket/wallet for ages. We’ll be happy to clean off the crap and put it to good use.

We’ve got a pretty cool new album in the shop by Muscle Brain! The packaging was hand silk screened by the band members! Sweet! We only have two copies since it’s limited edition, so you should get your hands on it before that jerk in your band class does.

There are also 6 copies left of the mildly outdated March 2008 Arthur Magazine. They’re free so you (really) don’t have an excuse to pass them up. I mean come on, get your ass over here and take them home. I know you have tons of unused space on a book shelf somewhere, because, I doubt you read anymore. If they don’t get taken soon I’ll be forced to recycle them, and you all know I would much rather someone have the pleasure of reading them first.

Okay, I didn’t take any more pictures because, well, the 2nd day was WAY slower than the first. There wasn’t really any excitement for me to photograph. Boo.

I’ll leave you with a picture Jane Linders snapped. It’s pretty strange. Cate and myself are practicing for the world’s first androgynous face-off competition. I think we will be a tough act to beat. Go ahead… try to tell us apart. That’s right, you can’t! The weirdest part, however, has to be that totally inconspicuous stalker guy in the top left corner (with a camera).

The first day of the Independent Craft Sale and Exhibition is over! It went pleasantly well. There was a good stream of people flowing through all day long due to the Open Studios! Cate and myself had a good time catching up on all of the gossip from the last couple of months; and boy was there a lot of it! Cool!

So, without further ado, here are some photos of our table-booth thing. Yeah.

I’ll take some more photos tomorrow when I’m not so super tired.

Cranky Yellow is awesome due to the complete and utter awesomeness of all the dedicated people involved! Check out this totally rad illustration/advertisement that Michelle (Lemon Squeezie) squeezed out (bad pun intended) for the website. WOW!

Michelle definitely went the distance! She even took it upon herself to snag some totally nasty-baby-poop-yellow shirts from the thrift store. That girl didn’t even think twice about silk screening this image on them. Oh Snap! Now I just wish everyone could have one.

(MICHELLE! EMAIL ME A PICTURE OF THE SHIRT SO I CAN POST IT HERE! FEEL FREE TO MAKE SASSY MODEL… OR YOU CAN MODEL TOO!)

Anyway…Thanks again Michelle! I’ll cook delicious buttered toast, for you, some time!

I went ahead and launched a new press section of the site. You’ll be able to browse archived articles about Cranky Yellow (or Cranky Yellow Events)! It’s a good place to waste your time.

(Above is my goofy mug-shot in the June 2008 issue of Saint Louis Magazine.)